遗失的美好

"i spent a lot of time pondering over this today... all i can say is that i really don't know what happened to result in u saying this... but it sure is painful to see it come from someone whom i thought could talk to me about anything and vice versa... "

Probably, I really overestimated the depth of our friendship. I sincerly believe that the strength of a friendship depends on various factors : the level of mutual trust, the understanding & acceptance of each other's flaws & strengths, the amount and quality of conversations.....

What do I think is our main problem? You are the first & only person whom I allowed to read my diary. Remember I told you before " I want to know a girl not because I like her, but because I think she is a very nice girl"....I am are referring to you....When we first started knowing each other, both of us conceded that we are not as good as what each other had in mind of....Till now, I still regard you as a very nice girl, a very good friend..Thats why I really dont want to lose our precious friendship, especially over 'busy-ness' or 'misunderstandings'...

I dont know if you are angry with me or upset over what I said..Sometimes, I literally take the phrase 'put myself in other's shoe' a little too far... Its not that I am not understanding enough...I just cannot accept others doing things which I think I would never have done in those circumstances...And thats why to me, being busy is never a good excuse to sweep over things that had / had not, should / should not be done...Its a matter of perspective & priority...I feel, a balance in everything is crucial....

These days, I have been continously pondering why I can accept 'rubbish bin' for constantly breaking promises but not you... ( I confirmed with him twice that his birthday party was for real and wasnt convinced until the day before when 'keio exchange' and 'princess' sms me..) The feeling of a good friend 'putting aeroplane' is horrible & I dont want to experience the disappointment of pinning for something pleasant to happen, only to realise later that its never going to happen... So I tend to treat everything as false until its proven to be true...As you know, I am very afraid of getting hurt, so at times I am ultra-defensive to protect myself...

Its not in my slightest intention to blame you for whatever that had happened. Back to the second paragraph, I think I am at fault that I am for expecting too much from you in this friendship..I really hope to continue being the 'someone who I thought could talk to me about everything and vice versa;...Its possible only if both of us put in the effort to make it work...

SHALL WE?

my lie (to myself) will go on....

Lately, I took the JLPT 2 exam. Maybe 'strawberry' did indeed made a correct decision not to take it - for my standard & level of Japanese, it seems a tall order to even understand the passages in the comprehension, let alone pass it. But spending $30 on an annual exam seems worth the calculated risk, especially since I would surely have forgotten everything by the next year.

One of the reasons why I was so keen to take it was that I wanted to see my friends, those friends who took Japanese classes with me in school. Its been some time since I last saw them & was relishing this opportunity to meet them for a brief chat, especially 'rainie'...Sadly, I didnt get my wish.

Finally at 'rubbish bin' (unexpected) birthday party, I met some of them there. 'capucinno' la, 'princess' la (her "pretty-ness" seems to have gone at least one level up since she came back from the states)...., 'underground couple', 'shanghai beach' and 'keio exchange'. Actually they also took JLPT, but theirs was in Changi, so I didnt see them.

Sometimes, its quite true : you would see people whom you didnt want to see, but miss those people you really want to see.... (if you notice, there is one name missing from that above list)...I kinda feel uneasy when someone mention (that person) name, let alone seeing (this person) in flesh...Partly its because there are certain things I ought to forget & accept graciously...but despite lying to myself over the past few months (to be more accurate, its 13 months) that I can, the actual fact remains that I cant...

Thank You!!!

I would like to take this opportunity to convey my appreciation & heartfelt thanx to the following people (not in any order) for their help & encouragement during those turbulent days of unemployment.

'clemmie'- thanx for letting me use your computer & internet access f.o.c, as well as your encouragement & teaching me the art of answering wierd questions in interviews.

'princess'- for recommending me to a bank & letting me know of lobangs. Also thanx a lot for your accurate & reflective thoughts which enable me to have a clearer picture to choose between job A & B, and for your encouragement on my blog as well.

'hamster'- your encouragement & comments on my blog, as well as preparing me for the interview at 'civilian is king'

'rubbish bin'- for accompanying me to the career fairs despite having a job & lending me your name as a character referee

'JQ'- for being my character referee without any reservations

'strawberry'- for introducing jobs to me. I really like your "just see what you like & email them"..hehe..

And last but not least...

'instant mee'- seems like I have lots of things to say to you, but also seems like I have nothing to say to you...maybe all thats' should be said are all written in the card I gave you...

冲上云霄。。。

One of the two locations that I would love to work at is at Changi Airport. (the other being Raffles Place). So assuming I get this job, there's a chance that I would be posted there. (I should add that there's also an equal chance I will get posted to Woodlands, Tuas, HarbourFront or Lavender) I love seeing planes depart / land, the elegant nature in which it soars beyond the clouds and eventually land at a foreign land full of expectant travellers. Probably I got influenced by the TV drama "冲上云霄" ( Btw, its an interesting drama & the songs are nice (陈奕迅's cantonese version of "兄妹", but the plot is somehow unrealistic, especially the part on the aftermath of the love-triangle). A few years back, there was this direct bus service from my home to the Airport. I knew for sure this bus service wouldnt last (not many people use this service, especially from Toa Payoh onwards to the Airport), so I made sure I took it whenever I can. Till now, I cant help reminiscening the times I was there...all wonderful memories...Probably the only exception being the latest one..(What happened? Look for clues in my earlier posts..hehe)

Prior to the interview, there is a mandatory psychometric test. It comprises of a segment on testing our ability to interpret what we read (the usual true false cannot tell), a situational judgement test & a personality test. The passages in the first test are quite difficult & incomprehensible (are they testing us on our English as well?) compared to the one I took a couple of weeks ago. There were about 30 people in all, some wearing t-shirts, jeans sneakers...I was quite sure of getting an interview (I know my strengths) and sure enough I got one.

The interview format, also in some sense similiar to "DBE" are rather straight in the face. The difference lies with the fact that over here, they didnt undermine our confidence or capabilities. I was asked quite a bit on my NS experiences, and whether I was easily provoked. For the record, I gave a bad and a good lesson I learned. (In 'banana' camp, the negative aspects always have something to do with a particular guy, erm..i mean 'fruit' ...ya, there's one more, but I am not associating him with 'banana' since he 'rescued?' me from potential guard duties)..

This morning, I received a call from them to inform me that I was finally accepted into this organisation. SO HAPPY!...everything still seems so surreal & like a dream....

Lessons from 金三顺

“因为我是爸爸的女儿，所以我要好好活着，嫁个好人家；我的姐姐们也有好好活着的责任。。。道营，如果一直为了因不因该追求幸福这件事整日苦恼，压力很重，最后变得像老光棍儿一样的话，你的妈妈不会就这样放过你的，不是吗？’。三顺开解道营时说的话。。

After being unemployed for such a (long) period of time, the frustration has reached its peak. To be honest, its unbearable. 三顺曾埋怨：“难道胖的女人就不是人吗？”。。我觉得:"难道fresh grads 就不是人吗？，难道没有internship,ＳＥＰ，ＵＳＰ，ｈｏｎｏｕｒｓ就不算ｇｒａｄｕａｔｅ吗？Ｉｎｔｅｒｖｉｅｗ　中会紧张会吃螺丝的就不是ｃａｐａｂｌｅ的人吗？　现实真的真的需要那么残酷吗？“....Sadly, I will never know when this nightmare will end. (nightmare may seem to be too strong a word, but I am sure 'rubbish bin' can attest to this horrible feeling). How will my_____ relatives react to me being unemployed by that supposedly joyous occasion of CNY? Or coming to terms that my friends who are in university have gone throught a full semester but I have nothing to show for? Yes..I know its still early to be thinking of that, however spending close to 5 months in the wilderness saps one's confidence and motivation. Then I came upon the above quotes........

And this in when I realised one thing :"人可以没有期望，但一定不可以对自己绝望"... So much easier said than done....

Final words of advice from 金三顺：“越是喜欢一个人，恋爱的道路就会越走越艰难，每次失败的时候总会想下次一定能成功，但是越走恋爱的路就会越艰难"... So true!...I guess the same rational holds for seeking employment too.....　

Civilian is king?

When I completed my liability in 2004, I told myself I would never go back to this organisation again. The 'red tape', the experience of near-authoritarian rule by 'banana' (dispite the hoo-ha of the merits of democracy and equality). ...This situation is perhaps a little different, like what 'JQ' used to say :"Civilian is king". So it means i go back there as a king?

Actually I dont really know why on earth did I applied for this job. Out of interest? Probably (the same job scope in an entirely different environment would be a huge plus) Because of the pay? Erm... I dont know whats the starting pay like, but I think its better than the private sector. What else?? (I am very glad the interviewers didnt ask me this question)

I wasnt really in my right sense of mind when I did the cognitive test. (I was having a real bad flu) Nevertheless, I earned (?) myself an interview. The lady who called me was confused by me. (Our interpretation of next wednesday results in 2 different dates, none of which was correct). 'Hamster' warned me that the questions asked during the interview might be rather wierd. (It cant be wierder than those at DBE right) Anyway, if they ask me the same questions, I am sure I know how to answer them well. (Thanx to 'clemmie' who taught (or rather refreshed) me the act of crapping)

The crux of what transpired that day was not so much about the interview itself. Prior to the interview, a gal gave me a basic guideline of the rules & expectations. The thing is, she looked like 'capaccino'. (She is a little taller and plumer, but her smile is nowhere as sweet as 'capaccino') Regarding the rules, I found one of them quite discriminatory & unneccessary, which requires one to declare if he/she is a homosexual or has homosexual tendencies. She explained that this declaration wouldnt be a factor in determining if one gets accepted into the organisation or not. I just feel the stigma towards them continues....

The interview itself was surprisingly carefree, pressure-less and interesting. Unlike 'hamster' experience, there wasnt any wierd questions. There were also quite a bit of laughter in the room and the 3 interviewers helped me out when I struggled to answer the questions or diverted to somewhere else. I have this feeling that they are more concerned with my knowledge of regional affairs & analytical capabilities (assuming I have) than my character.

On the way out, I saw someone who resembles 'bittergould' and she gave me a smile when she caught me looking at her. ( I really thought its her, but according to 'rubbish bin', she had gone to study abroad already) The prospects of 'Capaccino' and 'bittergould' working in the same place? Nah...There's uwasa (rumour) that 'bittergould' doesnt like 'capaccino' ( I have no idea its true or not) Me, capaccino & bittergould working in the same place? Sounds interesting!!!!!...But I guess the chances of that happening is diminishing with every passing second.

**Writer's note: This post was done in a rather casual and optimistic way (it was written like 2 weeks plus ago) The next post will be entirely different as it describes the reality...

technology suaku wants to change hp, but everything's so chim...

I believe after i write down everything, there will be more question marks than answers. A hp main purpose (by right) is to call people & SMS. Thats what I use my N7260 for. The camera function and radio are just "add-on" items (Think of it as value-added-ness), but in today's technological advancement, these are bare essentials. I think i am still living in the medieval age since i absolutely have no idea what many terms mean (bluetooth, WIFI etc) I dont even know how to use infra-red (maybe its because i didnt read the catalogue or instruction booklet)

Actually I didnt want to change hp, but my charger & ear-piece are near-spoilt. So I think its more economic to get a new hp then to get a replacement for those items. So what caught my eye- samsung ultra edition 12.1, 10.9, sony ericsson w660i & w850i, which ironically are of the same price. The main differences are ultra 12.1- camera good, design very nice but no radio, ultra 10.9- camera good, got radio but not 3G. Both the ericsson phones are similar ( I mean the 4 bare essentials), basically got everything but i dont quite like the design.

Me being a suaku, what exactly is 3G? I know it means we can call/ sms home directly from abroad. And then? How about 3.5G? And what does bluetooth and WIFI do to the phone? All phones come with MP3, but where/ how to download songs? (I know from internet, but where exactly?) How to transfer pics from hp to computer? Some phones can surf internet, but how come I dont see a mouse? So many questions, so little answers....

I kinda wanted to get an iPOD in Tokyo, but when I asked 'clemmie' via MSN how to use it, he gave a rather vague response (to me, in technological stuffs, everything's vague unless its step by step) So i didnt bought it, too chim for me. I think 'starfruit' nearly vommited blood when I bugged him on how to use a digital camera & what those mega pixes and optical zoom means (dont blame me okay, 'capuccino' praised you for being a technology expert, so thats why I asked you)

With so many question marks hanging over my head, I am very undecided over which one to choose. I prefer the samsung phones though, but they remind me of a particular football team which.....

原来 interview 那么伤，比想象中还难。。。

2 weeks ago, I was shortlisted for a pre-interview briefing session at a civil sector organisation "DBE". There were about 14 people (8 girls 4 guys) at the briefing where we were given more details about the organisation & the job scope. The DBE officers there are rather friendly and open (unlike the stern look on mass media). We had a private 15/30 mins or so with an assigned DBE officer who talked to us about his/her experience in DBE & address any queries we had. Then we had to write 2 essays, one was about our knowledge of the organisation & the job scope, the other one was about our expectations & aspirations. Earlier, we were told that only successful candidates would be selected for an interview, but the highest ranking officer in the room recommended that all of us be interview the following week so that they can know more about everyone of us.

My interview was at 2.30, but waited until like 3 plus. (I was the first to be interviewed) At the waiting area, I met 3 others whose appointment is at 3 and 3.30 respeectively. Among them was a fellow econs fresh grad 'Huixian' (She looked a bit like that gal from CSS2 when she smiles) who also faced difficulties finding a job. (Is it a universal problem or just MY problem?) She mentioned that her other econs grad friends are mostly into contract-based jobs (about 6 month term)

There were 6 people chairing the interview, but only the 3 higher -ranking officers spoken. (The manpower head seems familiar, I kept wondering where I saw him before during the interview) The questions were very direct and "in your face", like "your past job applications didnt succeed, dont you think there's something wrong with you?" "You only got a 'good' in conduct during NS, which was not so good a grade, do you think its justifiable?" "Did you ask them why you got such a rating?" I felt that my replies to the last 2 questions are the best among all the other questions, which says a lot about my performance in the interview.

From what 'Huixian' told me, hers isnt much better. She got questions like "Jiafeigou and you have the same qualifications. Who do you think we should pick for this job?" She was also persistently questioned (or rather, suspected) about her suitability & capability for this job (me too!)( The key word is 'persistently')

The co-ordinator (sorry, I dont recognise his rank, but it looks like 2 diamonds) overheard our conversation & told us that its the norm. The interviewers want to know how we would react to such (wierd) questions to better evaluate us. Perhaps to them, this is the best way to reduce assymetric information. I agree. No one can prepare themselves adequately to these type of questions, which would (inevitably) disclose more about our personality and character than those 'normal' questions.

To further reduce assymetric information, two character referees is a must. (I feel this adds to the assymetric information though) "Huixian" got her friends, me too. Really thanx a lot to 'JQ' and 'rubbish bin' for bailing me out. ( I really hope DBE wouldnt call them) I didnt want to ask "上手san" despite the the fact that I took her modules for 2 years consecutively. Why? I used to like her, but after what happened during the last module, I began to have doubts on her teaching methods & her 'carefully-crafted statements'. And I believe both 'JQ' and 'rubbish bin' are able to give a more accurate & reflective description / opinion of me than her. At the very least, I am sure they would not be so honne / tatemae to the extent of saying that I am good in my spoken Japanese (unlike someone)....

My bum is hurting....

It has been like 3 months since I last went down to East Coast Park. Used to cycle when I am there, but this time a strange though entered my head- why not try rollerblading?
I figured I might need at most 15 minutes to familiarise myself with those wheels, based on the fact that I had done it before when I am in secondary school. (on flat ground, not humps or slopes) Sometimes (or rather most of the time), reality is vastly different from past experiences. I struggled and struggled, fell and fell....Not that my 'coach' isnt good (I only remember his 'v shape' and the fact that the steps and movements are 'natural'), not that being a saturday the human traffic flow is more busy (its just more 'obstacles'), the main reason is that whenever I think I am going to fall / will fall, I always fall. It doesnt help that the blades keep moving outwards (my 'coach cant explain why it happened)
This episode reminds me of the time "princess" leant riding a bike. The 'trauma' and 'panicking' are comparable, but she had two (good) coaches. (erm..maybe not...I think I also keep emphasising that its natural too) But at least in the end, she managed to overcome the difficulties with her mental strength and could cycle quite well. Me leh? I saw so many young kids learning to blade but despite falling down many times, they never gave up. (or rather, I didnt witness them giving up) This is where I think I should learn from them....

JLPT 2....Here I come!!....

Registered for the JLPT 2 exam last week. $30, plus a dollar for the application form. I was so blur that I forgot to write my chinese name on both the application form and on the test voucher (at least its consistent). Its inconsequential though, since only my english name will be on the certificate (thats assuming that I pass). "Strawberry" and "instant mee" are quite skeptical of passing the exam, especially since by the time of the exam, we would be have been detached from Japanese classes by a full 7 months. I am quite confident of passing though, and I believe that as long as we revise our jap 5 notes & the white & green books, its pass-able.
There were 2 ladies manning the reception. One was quite friendly and consumer-oriented, the other was..ahem..(just as "Miss Tan" puts it, typical Singaporean customer service)(Note: Its singaporean, not singapore) There's no prep course for JLPT 1 & when I asked her about the advance classes (there are 3 degree of advance courses), she replied with a cold 'all full' I wanted to know in the event I got JLPT 2, which class I should register for next year. She gave a vague & nonchalent reply, which was barely audible. Forget it la, she doesnt seem to have much interest & knowledge in her 'products', which greatly puts me off. She had just turned away a potential customer...

好朋友

Met up with "gambler" for dinner last night. Sometimes, I dont really understand the defition of " good friends" and " friends". Good friends can mean anything from 暧昧to the "we are good friends" in a common rejection statement. To me, good friends are friends whom I am not only close (an ambiguous term) to, but also someone who understands me, and most importantly, we must be comfortable with each other be it talking on the phone or meeting up for a chat or meal.
I remembered very clearly on one occasion which was the saddest day of my life. I had an argument with someone whom really matters a lot to me and I wanted to talk to a close friend who understands "the situation". "Strawberry" was out with her friends and I only managed to talk to her after midnight. She makes me feel a lot better and even though she is tired, she still made sure I am alright before hanging uo. She is a true good friend indeed.
Compare it to this scenario. You saw a "friend". "Hey! Havent seen you for quite some time. How are you?" "Fine. And you?" "I am fine too". Then, there's a bit of awkward silence. "Sorry, I am in a rush, chat with you some other time". You may most probably never meet that "friend" again, and even if you do, the situation repeats itself. Hamster labelled them "Hi bye friends".
Back in my NUS days (it seems like centuries ago), I have great difficulty in finding lunch kakis. Its not just me, social butterfly like "Miss Tan" and "Hamster" are also forced to eat alone at times. Maybe its hard to find a common lunchtime which we are free to meet. I feels it more of a "want to meet" rather than "can meet". Take me & "Hamster" for an example. Even though we are in Arts, our major & timetable & modules are completely different. We have our own share of project meetings, make-up lectures or whatever interruptions that could arise. But (surprisingly) we always manage to meet for a chat & lunch no matter how "busy" we are. Perhaps this is an exception rather than the norm.
To me, being "busy" is a very invalid excuse. Be it handling in assignments late to not being attached, "busy" is an over-used & convenient excuse. It really depends on how one manage their time. Yes, yes, I know some people are busy to the extent of having no time for meals & lack of sleep. But if you were to tell me that you cannot spare even 3 minutes or so replying to me SMS, or during the vacation period you cant even spare at most 3 hours to meet this "friend" of yours for a meal, it really says volume. I really dont want to lose friends due to "busy-ness", especially those whom I really cherish their friendship. "Capuccino" & "instant mee", I am really starting to feel we are drifting apart, apart & apart.....

Steamboat

Organised a steamboat gathering with the people in the Jap 5 Class. Its such a nice feeling to meet up with them and chat with them. The people in the Class can be seen as the ingredients in a steamboat, all of us so different in character and mentality, only to be bonded together by a common theme. (is that a very apt description???) Thats why i feel very happy and glad that we can gel together and they took the effort to come for this outing.kokoro kara kansha shimasu!....especially to "baggy pants" and "capuccino" whose reply makes me feel very appreciated..Some thoughts and words I would like to say to some friends, but i lack the opportunity and conversation-starter to do so..

Bittergould...I was (not am) rather disappointed that you changed your mind about coming. I really feel that with you around, our conversations will be much more interesting and exciting. You told me that you had something on, but according to "rubbish bin" u told him u decided not to come because ' u are not close to the people coming'. The same people who went for a similar one 3 months back, with the exception of "princess"..I really thought u got along quite well with "baggy pants", "rubbish bin" and maybe me..maybe i am wrong.. Perhaps u were (are) upset that we (I) didnt attend the outing that u organised and hence feel discouraged....

"Strawberry"...Thanx a lot for the advice u had given me...especially the one telling me to be more patient in dealing with matters (esp in r/s matters).... Hope you made a right choice in going into teaching... Can I call u 'Mrs Ang' soon...hehe..

"Capuccino"... First and foremost I would like to apologise to u for some wierd and nonsenical sms i sent to u..got misled(a safer word would be 'told') by someone that you have a bf..SORRY!...But I do hope u get a bf soon..so that u can experience the joy and happiness of having someone beloved to love u and care for u...

I am not ALONE in this predicament

I used to wonder if I am taking too long to get a job ( I am STILL unemployed)...especially since "instant mee" and "strawberry" have got theirs. But after what I saw/heard/felt yesterday, I think its the NORM to be STILL unemployed, hence no cause for worries ("instant mee" has been reasurring me that I confirm will be able to get a job I like soon..Thanx a lot!I appreciate it)
This is what I found out yesterday. I was short-listed for a briefing cum discussion by a Japanese Bank for their graduate training programme. The HR personnel told us that we are among the 60 selected out of near 900 applicants (I have serious doubts that the '900' figure is inflated)..I saw one guy who had a certificate stating he was on the dean's list. It seems that those shortlisted are from the 3 universities and are majoring in finance, accounting or economics. Chatted with some people, and realised that everyone is facing the same problem of not being able to get a job. Actually, I dont understand why the bank short-listed me, when everyone there obviously have better qualifications than me (Maybe i am the cut-off point)( I only have 5 certificates, others file theirs in clear-folders). Perhaps to some extent, my JLPT certificate helps.

An interesting observation

Went for another interview this morning. Its chaired by the Executive Director and 2 other personnel, which seems more formal. I think I "performed" much better than the first interview. The questions they asked are not really that easy, and they keep emphasising on excellent spoken and written english which I think I do not possess. But I am very glad and happy at the way I answered their questions. It showed something : I can think during interviews.
I saw 2 girls over there who are applying for the same job as me. One was an E-lang & E-Lit graduate. She seems to fit the bill of having excellent communication skills. The other one was a gentle, sweet-looking gal. Do looks matter when applying for jobs? I think so, to some extent.
I was asked one particular question which struck me deeply. He asked me why I did not apply for a job in a bank, given that I major in economics, and choose something which is related to social work (I didnt prepare at all for this question). I answered that I no doubt like working in a bank, but I prefer the experience of interacting with the heartlanders and people of all level rather than solely with corporations and institutions. Furthermore, I would like to do my part for the society (its true!) and this job provides me with the opportunity to do so. (Then why on earth did I choose to major in Econs than in Social Work??)
Another thing was that I told him that I rate my English as 'good', not 'excellent'. This might prove to be a real disadvantage. Imagine my horror when I heard the following statement by a graduate "I want to get something that shows that I am a graduate"....

a glimmer of rainbow

The rainbow always appear after a heavy downpour. And those who are patient enough to wait for the rain to stop, will be able to appreciate the beauty of the rainbow. In real life, this tells us as long as we never give up amidst the pain and hardship, we will be able to enjoy the benefits.
Much thanks to "instant mee" and "starfruit" , i (finally) managed to sort out my thinkings. I saw a job posting on the newspaper which is the type she was looking for, and sms-ed her about it. She replied that she will be "doing honours" and thanked me for letting her know. I guess we are still friends...
Went for an interview yesterday. 2 guys, 4 gals applying for 2 vacancies. The gals wore quite casually though, something which i dont really understand why for the same job application guys are supposed to wear so formally. Same thing as the mock-interview in Japanese 4, my brain went dead the moment i entered the interview room. The good thing is i can still reply to whatever that was being asked (though my english and sentence structure are kinda suspect). Then all of a sudden, the interviewer started asking me in chinese. My mandarin isnt that bad, but i have problems answering her (simple) questions. This is where I started mixing mandarin with english....OMG!!... And i am sure I didnt get the job...

I am wierd???

A week has passed since my last blogging, and still there is nothing to show for in my job-hunting. Its kinda difficult, I understand, since many companies prefer to employ people with experience. Nevertheless, i will continue to try my best and search for a job that I like.
Someone replied to my sms last night, asking (thats a very polite word.. a better word would be 'demanding', but somehow it seems too strong) me to 'find a job to keep myself buzy then my mind wouldnt be so sensitive yah'.. somehow, i cant establish a link between finding a job and being sensitive.
She (yes its a her, and a pretty gal) said that ' i like to send her wierd messages' and its 'scary sia..i tired need to sleep'... For the records, I only said that I treasure the friendship and hope that we are still friends despite whatever unhappy stuffs that might had happened in..(in a city that starts with T and ends with O) Am i wrong to ask for a confirmation about that??? Probably 'Strawberry' is right. Our reactions to many things are very different, hence its too easy to misunderstand each other. But come on, at least talk things through in an amicable manner right..why get so defensive..I really really dont understand...Can my friends who are reading this please comment...let me know if i over-reacted or like what she had said...I am wierd...Thanx...

Back in Singapore

Shibuya

Yoyogi Park

At Meiji Shrine in Harajuku

Quite a number of my friends had asked me if I enjoyed the Tokyo trip. I think I gave out a lot of different answers.. I felt that the answers i gave "strawberry" and "instant mee" are most reflective of my feelings. I didnt mean to lie to the others, i just dont know how to describe my feelings.Its complicated.

At the airport, saw something which upsets me... A taxi tout, smart and well-dressed approached a foreigner, asking him 'go where?'. He replied 'Grand Hyatt'. The taxi tout said ' $35'..A deal was on the making, but I am very glad that 2 Cisco policeman stepped in...

Gotta find a job now...Just sent out applications to two companies, hope at least one call me up for an interview (maybe i am too optimistic oredi)..

Last few moments in Tokyo

5 more hours to go before my flight from Narita takes off. Planned to buy strawberry(the fruit, not the nickname), but in the end couldnt resist the temptation and got another pair of shoes. Very tired now, the soles of my feet are aching. 8 days in tokyo is just right, went every place i wanted to go (except Tokyo Tower). ..And that still includes going Akihabara twice...

Last night in Tokyo

Tomorrow is the day all the 'fun' will be gone, where we will carry our tired bodies reluctantly back to Singapore. I am glad I enjoyed myself over the 8 days here, especially with such nice people like capuccino and starfruit who tolerated my wilfullness, unpredictablity and my over-sensitivity. Its really not easy to go on a trip with friends due to differences in likes and places they want to go. Actually I think we sorted this out quite well, probably except for the Akihabara incident. It still hurts now....

Today, Capuccino went with Starfruit to Disneyland. I have a free-day by myself where I went to the museum in Ueno park, which also has a special exhibition of the works of Leonardo. Only recognised the Mona Lisa and the Last Dinner. Didnt understand and dont know how to appreciate the works and exhibits though.

I took the JR and was approached by a non-uniformed policeman at Tokyo Station. Initially thought that he wants me to do a survey or ask for directions, so ignored him totally. Later then he identified himself as a policeman He asked me where I was going to and also wanted to see my passport. He seems quite surprised I am a Singaporean...

The Imperial Garden is basically a garden. The weather was super hot, by Japan standards. Couldnt really catch a glimpse of the Imperial Palace ( there were other monuments around)..Took a long long walk to Yasukuni Jinja...Quite a good place to visit. Its quite nice...Also went down to the Tokyo Dome. Unfortunately, the interior of the dome is not open to the public since there are no performances going on. Adventure rides are available, which looks very scary but exciting ( I heard tonnes of screaming). Bought a pair of shoes and a jacket over at the shopping center there.

Returned to Omotesando and Harajuku, but was quite late by then. Did some walking along the streets, but by the time I reached the Snoppy shop and the Laforet, its already closed (Both shops closed at 8)..Did I mention that this is the 2nd time i am back at Harajuku??...Some people ( Yes...I mean 3 people) can go back Shinjuku for two times to shop around a particular area but i cant even go back Akihabara twice to get what I went...what logic is this.....

Day 7...

Starfruit and me went to the Meiji Jingu in Harajuku, followed by a trip to nearby Yoyogi Park. Met up with a friend who came over to Keio university for an exchange program. Lastly, we head to the Kabuki-cho. Saw quite a lot of 'hosts' dressed in black, who approached gals who are alone, asking them if they want 'companionship'. Didnt find them very handsome though...

Day 6 in tokyo

Thanks to Capuccino's friend, today was planned to go Waseda University to have a look at the campus. Its hard to say if we are suay or lucky, the school will be closed for a week due to an outbreak of measles. We still managed to go into the area and have a look, but its only limited to a very small common area.

Reached Akihabara at about 4 plus. Walked around the area searching for that shop Capuccino and Starfruit bought their digital camera. Capuccino made a comment which made me feel rather uneasy. She said that I do not care about the troubles of others (it takes time to find the shop). I talked to her and knew that she didnt mean it...but i still feel hurt...

5th day in Tokyo

Capuccino is meeting her waseda "friend" ( I cant find an appropriate word to describe their " friendship"), so basically its free and easy for me and Starfruit.

First place we went to is Ameyoko, an area near to Ueno park. Its similar to a pasam malam where everything can be bought there, from strawberries to bags to clothes etc...

Next on the list is Shimokitazawa. Its worth a visit there despite having to change trains at Shinjuku. The streets there sell clothes and also bags, which are much more unique and nice compared to Shinjuku. The prices there are somehow slightly cheaper. Bought a very nice white bag there for 4000 yen.

Passed by Shinbashi on the way to Tokyo Bay. Even though it looks happening when we by-pass there a couple of days ago, today was rather quiet. The shops there also like nothing much.

Went back to Tokyo Bay again for the Onsen. The onsen was quite nice as a whole, but felt that the heat was rather uncomfortable. Couldnt get used to the heat. A good experience though, but I dont think I will ever step into an onsen again.

Thanx to Capuccino and her Waseda "friend", we are going to visit the Waseda University tomorrow!...

Day 4 in Japan

Places went today

1) Asakusa. There is a matsuri (festival) over the weekends which was super interesting. Men and women and even children carry portable shrines around the area. Reminds me of the thaipusam festival in singapore. Went to the temple and bought some lucky amulets. The nakamise was also very happening.

2) Shibuya. Wanted to go to the 100 yen building, but unfortunately realised that the building is closed after looking for it for a long time. Its not easy moving around the area. Think I will go back there again when starfruit and cupaccino goes to Disneyland. I want to go to the 109 building and the recofan CD shop.

3) Harajuku. The takeshita dori is like bugis, with lots of different shops selling apparels. Bought a t-shirt from there. Liked this place very much.

4) Shinjuku. Went with starfruit. Just walked around the area. Intended to go and have a look at the kabuki-cho, but the soles of my feet are hurting badly, so cannot go until that far. Zannen desu ne!...

Day 3 in Tokyo

Day 3 was quite bad. Intended to go Imperial Garden, but upon reaching Tokyo station, took a hell lot of time to find a money-changer. It was already 12.45pm by then. Wanting to catch the seal show @ 2.30 and the dolphin show @ 3.30 at shinagawa aquarium, we left for Oimachi immediately. There goes another chance to visit the imperial garden. Guess its fated. Upon reaching Oimachi, the free bus bringing us to the aquarium just left. Thinking that the next one will depart in half an hour, we went walk walk for a while. Unfortunately... we miss that as well and have to wait 1 hour for the next bus to arrive. We finally arrived there at around 2.45pm. The fishes in the aquarium are very pretty and interesting, the descriptions of those fishes are all in Japanese, and I am really glad that I can understand what was written. The dolphin show was fantastic, but this time round, couldnt catch what the presenter was saying at all. This shows that we can read and write, but couldnt speak and listen in Japanese.
Headed to Tokyo Bay next. Its a must go area for people intending to go Japan (Strawberry, pls take note). The Yurikamone line goes onto the Rainbow Bridge, along the way the scenary is beautiful. Went up to Fuji-TV world to take pictures of the Rainbow Bridge and the surrounding area (Its recommended to go at night as the light-up on and around Rainbow Bridge is really stunning). Went Joypolis, then to the ferries wheel. Rather upset that I lack the courage to go onboard the ferries wheel ( I am scared on heights)...This is NOT the only thing I lack courage on...

東京の第二日

My second day in Tokyo is so much better than the first. Yesterday, we only managed to reach our inn at around 5pm, and after some packing and adjustments, we set off for Ueno station. We figured out that its quite late to go anywhere else since in japan most shops close at 8, and we also wanted to familize ourselves with the vicinity. Ueno station is linked by quite a few metro lines, so its easier and worthwhile to take a 10 minutes walk from there rather than changing into another metro line. The streets around Ueno are similar to those at Bugis, quite a number selling clothes and barang barang. Had dinner at a curry stall, quite nice and its cheaper than expected.
Today, it rained. Planned to go imperial garden, but felt that its quite troublesome to hold an umbrella and walk around, so went to Shinjuku instead. The metro was great, I would say its so much better than Singapore. The seats are more comfy, there's a carriage which has weaker air-conditioning, and furthermore the names of the stations are announced and also visible through a screen which is in kanji, hiragana and english, and also showed other metro lines which we can change to. I can still remember those times when tourists took the MRT from Changi Airport and arrived at Tanah Merah, not knowing what to do when other passengers alight. The blur look on their face says it all.
Places I went: Shinjuku ( odakyuu, toukyuu hands, takashimaya) ate at a Western fast-food called Wendy's, quite a few problems understanding what the cashier was trying to ask me. Akihabara. The electronic stuffs seem much more high-tech and cheaper compared to singapore. A big dilemma whether to buy a 7.2 mega-pixels digital camera that cost about 200 sing dollars. Wanted to buy an MP3, but being a super computer-dinosaur, was really afraid that I would not know how to use it (I mean in all aspects, from downloading to listening). Roppongi. Walked a bit around the streets, and had a drink at the Hard Rock Cafe. Reminds me of Boat Quay..

DESTINY, 命运，運命（うんめい）

I dont believe in destiny, cos i feel that its up to us to be in control of what we can and will achieve in the future. Some people however feel that one's destiny is pre-determined. Somehow, its too passive.
When i entered the exam hall at 9.30am, i was somehow surprised that one gal was sitting on my seat. Probably i got the seat number wrong. So i went to check. Correct leh. I told the invigilators (i am being super polite here) who expressed disbelief. We went to check together, and they were stun and dont have a clue as to what to do in this situation. They just stare blankly at each other ( "hamster" reasoned that its a bureaucratic-response). I am glad the prof came quickly and took the initiative to find out the problem. The prof wanted the gal to go back to her seat, but i felt it was too troublesome cos she was in the midst of an essay (how i know??) and her barang barang was all over the place. I suggested that i took the gal's orginal seat instead. He at first said 'no', but agreed after some thinking. I am very glad that he is flexible enough to accept this unconventional method..
After the exam, I asked the prof why this 'loop-hole' could have happened. He told me that since it was raining (heavily) and people were coming in late, they ( can the other invigilators make the decision??) only checked the identity of the students after 30 minutes ( I came in at 9.30.. or maybe its 9.29 when i went in). Okay. Its very rare something like this happened.
I was rather exasperated that the gal took my seat despite knowing where she should be sitting. Why did she bo-chap to such an extent, why didnt she consider the external costs of her action. Or is the feng-shui of my seat very good?.. Probably only she can answer it... I thought the most basic and natural thing she could do is to apologise to me through email, but she didnt...sadly...

First time i am 30 mins late for my exam...and its NOT bcoz i overslept

Like what "hamster" had said, its really DESTINY that i am late for 30 minutes. Here's why..I had a 9am exam at Eusoff hall. There are 2 buses i could take, 188 or 189. Its at different bus-stops, so I cant simulateously wait for both buses at the same time. The duration (by right) should be around 30 minutes. My rational (or should i say irrational) thoughts is like this: If i take 188, it is expected to have a jam from clementi fire station, clementi ave 6 and the worst is at AYE. If i take 189, there's a bad jam at exit of PIE (at clement ave 6) and also clementi ave 6. With this in mind, i choose the so-called lesser of the two evils and waited for 189. Big Bad Mistake.
I waited for 15 minutes for the first 189, which arrived at 8.15. It was too packed, so the driver refused to stop. I can wait for another one, which most likely will come at 8.30, or i can take a 3 minute walk to take 188 instead. Too fearful of the AYE jam, i choose to walk down to the previous 189 bus stop, and on the way keep a look-out for taxis (悪循環’s 一番友達)...As expected, no available taxis and the 8.30 189 also refused to stop. Somehow i feel that as long as i can get a cab by 8.40am, I shouldnt be late.
8.40am..TWO (yes, its two) 189 came together. So if i want, i can take it and end up being late at most by 15 mins. But no, i insist on a cab..i want to take whatever little chance i have.. Still no cab.. so i walked (i didnt panic) down to Bukit Batok MRT to wait. Finally got one @ 8.50am.. I should really commend the driver, he really kept to the speed limit of 70km/h. The route that he choose was the 188 route. And guess what, there was only a mild jam @ clementi avenue 6 and AYE. I finally reached school @ 9.30
Thats not the end of the story....

a 'NEW" beginning...but i really dun want the end to 'end'

Somehow, i am fearful of a new beginning. A new beginning means venturing into the mysterious, mystic, dog-eat-dog arena of working society. Maybe its right to say that my heart and mentality still lies with my student life. Reluctant as I sound, i know its near impossible for me NOT to work. I need the money....
Perhaps I didnt really cherish my student life. My studies is in a mess, my CAP is like quite bad, and its now 30 minutes to my first exam and i am STILL typing this blog..Falling asleep in class, daydreaming (especially in "上手さん" class) and talking during class (my fravorite)..And i dont understand why "strawberry" and I would keep talking in English during Japanese classes and tries to speak in Japanese outside the class. I am beginning to miss those memories...
My friends. One thing that still hurts me now is the way i hurt 'starfruit' with my actions. Probably, i still cant forgive myself for leaving him with a 'take-it-or-leave-it' scenario. I tried, i really tried to minimise the severity of what i did, but in the end....
I think this statement is very true... 人要等到失去后才会懂得如何珍；懂得后悔的滋味才会学会满足...

最後のposting,最後の気持ち。。。

先日、”strawberry"は私に日本語５を取ったのは悔やむかどうかと聞きました。考えた末で、”はい”と答えました。どうして？私と"Rainie"と"Strawberry"の意見は同じです。いくら大変でも、日本語５はいくら難しくても、実はあきらめたくないです。”ゴミ箱”はその意義がある文と言ったことがあります。”興味だという理由で、日本語を習います。成績は必要じゃない、大切なことは楽しい時間を過ごしました。”私はクラスに楽しいでしょうか？？？わかりません。時々，道を迷子ぐらい先生の話がさっぱりわかりません。試験のフォマト(format)や、オラウ(oral)や。。。。
　私たちもクラスの不公平の制度のせいで、疲れました。どうしてJLPT１とJLPT2が合格した学生は日本語５をうけるか。。。"Baggy pants"に説明してもらうと、分かりますが、この制度に賛成じゃありません。
　でも楽しいこともあります。皆さんを知って以来、幸せになり、心から満足です。卒業しても、クラスの面白いことや皆さんの様子を忘れないつもりです。

私は地球を守るためにできること

　　地球を守るために、なるべくピニール袋を使わないようにしている。暑くてたまらなければ、エアコンをつけるべきじゃない。シンガポール人は暑さが怖いことから、エアコンを使わない限り、死にそうな気持ちになる。その上、シンガポールの経済力が増すに伴って、シンガポール人の要求や期待が高くなる。それだったら、地球を守るのは無理だと思う。

インターネットをどのように利用すべきか

　　インターネットの悪い影響はインターネットに関するゲームで中毒になって、勉強したくなることだ。子供もポルノを見ることが可能なばかりでなく、悪い情報が読める。よい影響はいろいろな情報を探すやすくて、プロジェクトをはじめ、宿題をするのに便利である。
　　正しく利用するために、両親に監督しながら、正しい使い方を教えてもらうべきである。できれば、ポルノやら暴力やらが見られるページを妨げるべきである。

住宅事情

　　私の住宅の側に小学校と中学校がある。小学生は無邪気だが、うるさい。中学生は年を取るにつれて、考えが変わると、制服を着ながら，タバコを吸うばかりでなく、親しすぎる。このごろの子供は悪くなっているようだ。
　　私の住宅の近くに公園もある。毎朝、老人はここでゆっくり散歩して、タイーチ(Taichi)を練習している。タイーチは健康のためにする運動である。タイーチは老人にもっと人気があるようだ。その上、犬と一緒にジョギングする人も多い。

私とお正月

お正月には楽しいはずなのに、私は二つのことが嫌いです。親戚はお正月の度に、「なぜ彼女がいないのか」と批判します。私はその質問ほど嫌いなことはありません。それに親戚に女性の友達を紹介してもらえばいいと言われて、不気味だと感じました。友達に私の悩みを話すと、友達の親類は勉強のこときり質問しないので、羨ましくてたまりません。

その上、親戚はお正月のお祝いにシャークフィン（shark’s fin）をたべます。私はシャークフィンの作り方が残酷だと感じることから、シャークがかわいそうなので、皆は食べないほうがいいと言いました。でも親戚は一年に一度しか食べない上、お正月の習慣なので、シャークの苦しみを考えません。この考えはよくないでしょう。シンガポール人は、この残酷な習慣は毎年つつくに違いありません。私たちが幸せになるために、他の人や動物の苦しみを考えない、お正月は意義がないと感じています。

楽しいことも二つあります。私のマジョングーカキ（mahjong kaki) はオーストラリアやカナダで勉強しているので、マジョングをする機会がありません。お正月に、親戚と並んで、マジョングをしながら、ポイントを交換しました。ちょっと負けたにもかかわらず、楽しい時間を過ごしました。最近のニュースによると、コミュニテイセンタ(Community Center)は寄付を集めるために、マジョングの試合が行われたかったそうです。シンガポール人がやめようと訴えたあげくに、この計画は中止に決まりました。その例からして、シンガポール人は保守派だと思います。

レストランで食事した時、新しいことを学びました。私の友達の大半は手を使わないことには、蝦の殻がとれません。そのうちに、私は初めてフォークとはしで殻をとってみました。始めは簡単どころか、日本語のテストぐらい難しかったです。幸いなことに、心を込めて、とうとうできました。心を込めるためで、蝦はおいしかったようです。

バレンタイン．デーについて

　　　　去年のバレンタイン．デーに”strawberry”は私が彼女が欲しいかどうかと聞きました。私は「欲しかったら、どうすればいいですか」と答えました。最後に”strawberry”はプレゼントをあげたらいいと言いました。私は好きな人がいなかったので，バレンタイン・デーの意味もかまわず、普通の日っぽく過ごしました。それで、プレゼントはもとより、デートもありませんでした。

　　　　 私は以前のバレンタインデーにも一人で過ごしました。中学生のときから、私のクラスの友達はこの日に好きな女性に自分の気持ちを告白するために、贈り物をします。そのときの私は自信が足りなかったので、相手が好きでも、追いかけませんでした。今はとても後悔しています。バレンタイン・デーに恋人がいる人は幸せそうな一方で、恋人がいない人は悲しそうです。バレンタイン・デーの度に、ばらやら熊やらチョコレートを持ったカップルがたくさんいるので、見ると、寂しいと感じます。自分には何かが不足しているような感じがします。でもバレンタイン．デーのレストランの食事とかばらなどの値段は普通の日と比べて、もっと高いです。ロマンチックですが、贅沢だと思います。

今年のバレンタイン．デーに初めて友達にチョコレートとともにカードをあげます。カードには友達に対する気持ちを書きました。”strawberry”によると、バレンタイン．デーは友達の日（friendship day）だということです。その友達がいつも私に親切してくれて、言え切れないくらい感動しています。大学時代を通して、友達を知って以来、幸せになり、心から満足です。たとえ卒業しても、長い間会わなくても、わたしの希望は私たちが永遠の友達でいることです。私はこの考えを信じています。

私の性格

　私の性格は犬のタイプだと思う。家でカプで水を飲むとき、カプを持つ代わりに、直接口に入れる。母に私はいわば犬の飲み方だと言われた。その上、私は怒っても叫ぶだけで、めったにけんかしない。犬と猫に比べて、犬は叫ぶのに、人を傷つけない。

***犬は持ち主に対して忠実(ちゅうじつ）（loyal)です、私も恋人に対して忠実つもりだ。(笑う、笑う）

健康被害ー近眼

　最近たくさんの子供が近眼になる恐れがある。コンピュータを使い過ぎるので、目が悪くなった。コンピュータを使っている最中に外の緑の物を見るべきであろう。ベドで本やら新聞やらを読まないほうがいいだろう。健康のために、毎年一回以上医者に行きさえすればいいと思う。

映画の感想

ビルマの竪琴（たてごと） = The Burmese harp

1. おすすめ度 　　★★★★

2. 日本人や日本の文化がわかる●●●●

3. 物語（ものがたり）（ストーリー）　　 （　　８０　　　）点　　（０点～１００点）

4. 映像（えいぞう）　（ビジュアル） （　　７５　　　）点　　（０点～１００点）

5. 音楽（おんがく） 　 （　　８０　　　）点　　（０点～１００点）

6. 演出（えんしゅつ）・演技（えんぎ）　 （　　６０　　　）点　　（０点～１００点）


7. コメント：一言（ひとこと）で言えば（ 感動する ）映画。　
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　
8. テーマ(topic)： （ 戦争後の気持ち。　）　　

9．レビュー（感想（かんそう）
1. どう思いましたか、悪い場合はどうすればいいと思いましたか。
感動しました。特に水島を探す気持ちと手紙を読んだ気持ちに感動しました。


2. 映画を見て何を学びましたか。
戦争の結果を学びました。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　
3. 日本人や日本文化について何がわかりましたか。日本人は国のことをとても大切に思っているので、国のために何でもできます。


4. この映画を見た人に質問したいこと。アメリカの陸軍と日本の陸軍は友達のようですが、殺されるのが怖くないんでしょうか。
★

日本の電車のマナーについて

皆さん、こんにちは。これから私は日本の電車のマナーについてお話しします。
日本はとても丁寧な国なので、電車にいろいろなエチケットがあります。新聞によると、フロアーに座るのはだめだそうです。そして、荷物はフロアーに置けないそうです。座るとき、足を広げてはいけません。それに、新聞を広げて読んではいけません。ヘッドホンを使ったら、音が聞こえないように注意しなければなりません。荷物を席に置くのはだめです。
それはちょっと厳しいですが、規則があると、電車に乗るのはもっと楽しいようです。
シンガポールの地下鉄には「食ベるな」と「タバコを吸うな」という二つだけの規則しかありません。それなら、何でもできるかもしれません。マナーは大切なのに、罰金がないから、シンガポール人は守らないようです。電車のドアの近くのフロアーに座る人が邪魔なので、ほかの人が通るとき不便です。電車で食事する人も少しいるので、電車が汚くなって、嫌な虫がいます。シンガポール人は荷物で席を取るのが便利だと思いますから、いつもかばんやバッグなどを隣の席に置いています。新聞によるとお年寄りが電車に乗ると、座っている人はすぐ寝るそうです。若いカップルは学校の制服を着たまま、電車で親しすぎて、いやだと思います。
私のプレゼンテーションは以上です。ありがとうございました。

自己紹介

皆さん、新年明けまして、おめでとうございます。今年もよろしくお願いいたします。

私はゴ・センヨンです。今はシンガポール国立大学で経済を勉強しています。私は子供のときから、幸せは一番大切だと思っています。ですから、私はどんなときも幸せな自分でいようと思っています。言うのは易しいですが、するのは難しいです。

誰かに私は親切だとほめてもらいました。実は、私は柔軟性（じゅうなんせい）があります。欠点はほかの人にいじめられやすいことです。でも、他の人を幸せにできれば、私も幸せです。

私は気まぐれだし、感情的(かんじょうてきemotional)だし、敏感(びんかんsensitive)すぎると思います。でも短所かどうか、本当に分かりません。その上、時々自信が足りないと感じます。私は好きで、欲しいことのためなら、一生懸命がんばりますが、現実の僕は失敗が怖いので、消極的になってしまいます。

ある物語を聞いたことがあります。一匹の犬がかごの中に入っています。かごの周りは電気があるので、犬はかごに触ったとたん、痛いと感じます。犬は逃げようとするたび、痛さを思い出して逃げたくなくなります。一年後、電気が消えました。でも犬はもうかごに触りたくないと思います。時々かごに触ったら、電気があると思いますから、痛いと思います。年をとるに伴って、犬はかごの世界に慣れました、かごのドアをあけても、逃げたくないです。

その話がとても印象深い理由は、私もその犬のようだからです。２３年、籠の中で生活しているので、外の世界が好きでも、追う勇気がありません。友達によると、外の世界は楽しいそうなのに、自分は慣れるかどうか心配で、怖いと感じます。簡単そうなのに、経験がないので、難しいようです。