变奏曲

Actually i am really wondering why certain things, after such a long (half a year) period of time, I still cant forgive myself. Or should I say, I still keep hanging on to some memories which I know i am unable to turn back to.... maybe i need a scene in "变奏曲"to know that certain things, when filled with regrets, ought to be forgotten....Because there is no way i could have turn back time and change everything to fit what i am yearning for...

In bangkok, I am deeply reminded of the Tokyo trip. There is this thing that made me feel nostalgic and sad - packets of instant mee.....and I ate one packet last night after work...Just now, I was viewing my yahoo mail and telling myself that if I can find your email address somewhere there, I will send you a mail. The contents- I dont know what I will write. I dont know if its good or bad that I cant find it..... And i dont know why I have to sent you a mail to tell you how i am feeling now when i have your number and your blog address....

This incident had really affected me a lot... really.... i dont dare to make new friends because i am afraid of hurting them with my expectations...and I am even afraid of history repeating itself...Thats why i would rather draw a line between colleagues and friends....

I dont know what i expect to get from writing this post. Neither do I think this post will change anything..just that if there's a "变奏曲", i will do anything to prevent that incident from happening...but i guess everything's too late.....