Actually i am really wondering why certain things, after such a long (half a year) period of time, I still cant forgive myself. Or should I say, I still keep hanging on to some memories which I know i am unable to turn back to.... maybe i need a scene in "变奏曲"to know that certain things, when filled with regrets, ought to be forgotten....Because there is no way i could have turn back time and change everything to fit what i am yearning for...
In bangkok, I am deeply reminded of the Tokyo trip. There is this thing that made me feel nostalgic and sad - packets of instant mee.....and I ate one packet last night after work...Just now, I was viewing my yahoo mail and telling myself that if I can find your email address somewhere there, I will send you a mail. The contents- I dont know what I will write. I dont know if its good or bad that I cant find it..... And i dont know why I have to sent you a mail to tell you how i am feeling now when i have your number and your blog address....
This incident had really affected me a lot... really.... i dont dare to make new friends because i am afraid of hurting them with my expectations...and I am even afraid of history repeating itself...Thats why i would rather draw a line between colleagues and friends....
I dont know what i expect to get from writing this post. Neither do I think this post will change anything..just that if there's a "变奏曲", i will do anything to prevent that incident from happening...but i guess everything's too late.....
Friday, May 30, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
We are colleagues, not friends....
About 10 years back (and suprising I still remembered it), a very popular actress (not so at that time) made this confession which created mass ripple effects. This sparked an 'inquiry' on whether there's internal conflict between the 2 of them. Now that I am in the work force, I fully agree with the statement she had made. There's absolute nothing wrong with it...
Being friends, rather than colleagues, school mates, CCA mates or whatever mates there are, encompasses something deeper. You need to accept them into your social circle, you need to accept their personality & character & strengths & flaws & mood swings, you need to have a common interest and most importantly you need to be comfortable being with them. As colleagues, its more simple. You dont need to like them, maybe you dont even need to look at them or talk to them (there's something called email); you only need to be able to work with them. Whether the outcome or process is successful or not, its subjective. And most often, its the perception of the boss that matters. If he thinks its okay, then it should be okay....
Over here, before I even know my colleagues by their name, one admin colleague had warned me that its not easy to deal with the people here. He didnt mention names (not that there is a need to as its so obvious who the problematic people are). "Snowman" is one of them (or should I say, the 'worst' among the lot). I used (its in past tense) to hate (this is an underrated verb) her a lot, especially the fact that she was (also in past tense) proud, arrogant, demanding, heartless, unsympathetic, immature, childish...The general sentiment is (in present tense) that very few people like her. I used to wonder why she & "fake sister" can be on such good terms when their character are poles apart. "Fake sister" has been helping me a lot & giving me lots of advice. It seems like whatever problems I am facing now, she had gone through them before (probably the only exception is that she had no problems getting along with "Snowman" then). Unfortunately she would be posted out in a few weeks time....
Its not to say that "snowman" has changed dramatically over these few months. Its quite surprising that when she started protraying a nicer side of her, my perception of her changed totally. Somehow, I am more accomodating towards her, I am more willing to talk to her (and resist slamming the phone), I dont have ill-feelings towards her, I can understand certain 'funny' decisions she makes, and the (worst?) thing is that I am beginning to find her gentle & cute (this is a very dangerous adjective. I seldom use this adjective to describe girls. Normally I will substitute it with 'adorable' or 'pretty'. There's one subtle difference (in my opinion)...Its a secret...haha...So far i think I only mentioned it to 'strawberry' and 'hamster' before...)
I will be heading for a short vacation trip in about 10 days time. Hopefully I can upload lots of pictures for all to see ('clemmie'..please help me with this) This trip was nearly jeopardised by her actions (not directly and certainly not intentional), but whatever, I dont hold it against her (this is a 'benefit' attached to being 'cute'). Its a 5 day trip, the language barrier might be hard to overcome (the only word I know is 'three bowls of pig legs'), nevertheless I believe i will have a good time there, especially so when she is enjoying (supposedly) herself in Japan...
Being friends, rather than colleagues, school mates, CCA mates or whatever mates there are, encompasses something deeper. You need to accept them into your social circle, you need to accept their personality & character & strengths & flaws & mood swings, you need to have a common interest and most importantly you need to be comfortable being with them. As colleagues, its more simple. You dont need to like them, maybe you dont even need to look at them or talk to them (there's something called email); you only need to be able to work with them. Whether the outcome or process is successful or not, its subjective. And most often, its the perception of the boss that matters. If he thinks its okay, then it should be okay....
Over here, before I even know my colleagues by their name, one admin colleague had warned me that its not easy to deal with the people here. He didnt mention names (not that there is a need to as its so obvious who the problematic people are). "Snowman" is one of them (or should I say, the 'worst' among the lot). I used (its in past tense) to hate (this is an underrated verb) her a lot, especially the fact that she was (also in past tense) proud, arrogant, demanding, heartless, unsympathetic, immature, childish...The general sentiment is (in present tense) that very few people like her. I used to wonder why she & "fake sister" can be on such good terms when their character are poles apart. "Fake sister" has been helping me a lot & giving me lots of advice. It seems like whatever problems I am facing now, she had gone through them before (probably the only exception is that she had no problems getting along with "Snowman" then). Unfortunately she would be posted out in a few weeks time....
Its not to say that "snowman" has changed dramatically over these few months. Its quite surprising that when she started protraying a nicer side of her, my perception of her changed totally. Somehow, I am more accomodating towards her, I am more willing to talk to her (and resist slamming the phone), I dont have ill-feelings towards her, I can understand certain 'funny' decisions she makes, and the (worst?) thing is that I am beginning to find her gentle & cute (this is a very dangerous adjective. I seldom use this adjective to describe girls. Normally I will substitute it with 'adorable' or 'pretty'. There's one subtle difference (in my opinion)...Its a secret...haha...So far i think I only mentioned it to 'strawberry' and 'hamster' before...)
I will be heading for a short vacation trip in about 10 days time. Hopefully I can upload lots of pictures for all to see ('clemmie'..please help me with this) This trip was nearly jeopardised by her actions (not directly and certainly not intentional), but whatever, I dont hold it against her (this is a 'benefit' attached to being 'cute'). Its a 5 day trip, the language barrier might be hard to overcome (the only word I know is 'three bowls of pig legs'), nevertheless I believe i will have a good time there, especially so when she is enjoying (supposedly) herself in Japan...
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