Moving on - Chapter 2

Its been 3 months since i have decided to move on in my life. And right now..there is this girl whom i have taken a liking to. She has ignored my sms and whatsapp before...and there were suggestions that i should give up as they feel she is simply not interested in me...That she only sees me as a colleague and not someone whom she is willing to develop a relationship with...Someone has kindly sounded her out and while she is unwilling to comment on how she sees me (me and that person is quite close, so she might have suspected something), there's nothing negative in it at all...In fact, it seems encouraging to go after her again...I do not know if i am lying to myself or not...but there are many times which i myself didnt reply to messages (Eddery will be the best proof to it) and on most occasions..i didnt reply not because i dun like to, but rather i dun see the need to..I kept observing her reactions to me, it seems very conflicting..sometimes she is simply so sweet and cute..but other times she seemed kinda cold and resistant to me..And its obvious that the way she talks to me is different from the others..she's much more sweeter and smiling while talking to me...I admit i might have been too aggressive from the start which might had put her off...that now i am still fearful of sending her messages as i am scared she wouldnt reply and she would ignore me & give me the cold treatment like the previous times...What should i do? And how should i go about doing it?...

Its time to move on....

After 2 1/2 years...i have decided to move on....it hurts a lot...especially being hurt by someone i love so deeply...tat somehow for my sake she cant give up her demand for a boyfriend with master degree...maybe on my part its a bit of naivety...tat i tried all sorts and means to change her mentality to no avail...tat i did promised her no matter wat i would respect her decision...

I thought tat my sincerity & faithfulness & care & concern & conviction towards her will move her...i never once thought if its worth doing all these...tat its seems so natural to be nice to the person i love...i dun doubt her love for me...its her willingness to be with me tat i am in doubt....which affected my sense of security & to some extent my confidence in myself...she means the world to me...and now it has collaspe...

I dun want to ask myself if i should had delayed the inevitable...tat i could have waited until i get my ASP before confronting her...by then maybe she might have a change of heart...but knowing myself...i know i will not...

Wat luke says makes sense...probably i am too angry or too harsh in my tone tat she's so unwilling to compromise or let me know her point of view....but all these while me & her talked without communicating...i cant go out with her...i cant let other people know of my relationship with her....i cant hold her hands....i cant talk about our future together & i cant mention when she finally can accept me or when can we be together....then tell me wat can i do?

I wish her all the best in her future...i will try to recover from this setback...and probably from my point of view...the main reason why the ending is like tat is because i give in too much into the relationship....i will learn from it...

'If i accept you, people will think how come my standard dropped until so low'

If someone you love very deeply said this to you 'If i accept you, people will think how come my standard dropped until so low'....even if its meant as a joke..do you tink i have the right to be angry....

I know i am not in the pink of health...i have arthritis...no big deal...i am still working very well...what others can do i can do also...i dun feel handicapped because of my arthritis..in fact many people are surprised when i told them i have arthritis..cos they dont find anything wrong with me in the first place....i also dont earn a lot...but i dont tink i will starve to death or cant afford to give my girlfriend or future wife a comfortable life...i dont have an MBA...i only have a pass degree with merit...i am not technology savy...i dun know about the latest geeks or how to download songs or to repair computers...in short..i am just a technology dinosaur...all along...i thought i am just human...until that sentence came along...

Something 2 years late...

I did something last week which i ought to have done 2 years earlier....At that time i should had told her i really cherished our friendship & that i am very very remorseful of my outburst & choice of words....And please give our friendship another chance to make it work.....My impression & opinion of you still remains...i still feel & know that you are a very nice girl...I apologise if it hurts you badly to make you reminiscene of the failed friendship we had 2 years back..if we didnt make it right back then, can you provide me with this chance to make it right now?...i believe both of us acknowledge that back then, what was exchanged was just feelings of anger and disbelieve...and its entirely not what we are or what we feel about each other...& i promise you...i wouldnt makes the same mistakes again.....

这就是爱吗？

This song is for a particular person. I got it from yahoo.hk. I really hope she will have a clearer idea of the road ahead from the lyrics of this song.

這就是愛嗎
歌手：容祖兒
作曲：林俊傑
填詞：林秋離, 王雅君
編曲：蔡政勳, 陳建瑋


你確定這就是愛嗎
真的愛我嗎
手牽著手漫步斜陽
就當作浪漫
兩個人眺望遠方
以爲愛的晴朗
當我回頭望
卻 已淚濕了眼眶

當夕陽變成星光
當愛情換了方向
你一如過往 對愛太緊張
但未來又會怎樣
未知的明天總讓我徬徨
誰給我力量

我不怕你 愛不愛我
只害怕你 以為愛我
抓緊我 不算擁有
你總學不會放手

我不怕你 不懂愛我
只怕你 把習慣 當作愛
你猜不透
我要什麼
喔 你猜不透 我要什麼

D & D

The D & D for this year would be held on this sat, and before yesterday, the thought of going for this D & D fills me with excitement & anticipation. Especially so when there are so many of my colleagues going, and that i missed out on the last year one. I havent decided whether i want to buy any new clothes for it, the pants that i like is $103, and that the shirt is $69. A bit ex i feel, but i think i would look nice in it.

But what happened yesterday sort of spoiled my mood. I had a row with my table i/c over nothing, and i had voiced out whatever i shouldnt have said (i dont know if he heard it). What i had said is true, but certain things are better left unsaid, which is why i feel quite apologetic about revealing them.

I was more concerned about this 2nd thing though. Another person who is in the same table sms me this conclusion to whatever happened between me & her, "...cheat my feelings. Dun frd alr.Bye" I dont know if she was joking or what... I really hope she is...

Wedding invitation....

No, its not me getting married. 'Cheekbone' is. 2 days later. First time i received a wedding invitation via email. Really very happy for her that she has found that special person to be with for the rest of her life.
Just saw on 'strawberry's' blog that she has gotten married last week. What's quite surprising to me was that she didnt invite me to her wedding. And i thought that we were quite close during uni days. And i thought that i knew her boyfriend (now husband), and that we had went out many times together, and we met up like 3 months back..2 ex-colleagues of mine who had posted out from my work-place will be getting married (separately) in the next couple of weeks and they had invitated quite a lot of my colleagues here..but not me... WHY? Is it that they dont like me, or that they think i wouldnt go, or .....they had forgotten the existence on me....