Anniversary Night

　“暧昧让人受尽委屈，找不到相爱的证据，何时该前进，何时该放弃，连拥抱都没有勇气”...This is the song which got the Karaoke champion....

Yesterday was the anniversary night of my company which was held in a multi-purpose hall, which i find most fun & though provoking was the karaoke competition. Maybe to some people, the whole event seems to be quite boring & a waste of time, but not to me. I am glad that i attended it....because you will only enjoy it if and only if you allow yourself to enjoy it.

Initially the signing-up of the karaoke competition was quite lukewarm, to the extent that the organisers have to resort to arrowing people for it. At the end of it, i realised that its not that they cant sing, its just that they think that they have no courage to sing in front of an audience...

After the event ended, we were told that we have 30 mins more to sing before the contractors keep the barang barang... and at that time, there wasnt many of us left. So when someone got started to sing, the song request keeps coming....and i am sure those who stayed behind really enjoyed the 30 mins...

Those words of encouragement which i said to my colleague to calm her nerves before her turn to sing really got me thinking. How is it that i can encourage people so easily but not myself? Why is it that i still dont have the courage to do certain things even though i know its not that difficult a task?...And that it doesnt matter what the outcome would be, because you already succeed as long as you are willing to give it a try...And i am not just referring to the karaoke competition...I am referring to my greatest fear, which this thing to many people its so natural, so easy, so enjoyable...but to me this fear keeps lingering...maybe i really complicate matters by thinking too much...

"Northeast Line": You still owe me a "为你我受冷风吹"...haha..

Happy Valentine Day....

Just 4 more days to that day...that day which i really believe its over-hype...that day which probably creates the biggest divide / segregation over the have & the have-nots...

I am thinking of buying gift, but somehow i really dont have a clue what i should get. Like what 'cheekbone' told me, 'if that person likes you, even if you just give her a handmade gift, she will like' . Very true... but somehow giving a person a gift on v-day doesnt neccessary equate to liking her rite...it could plainly be some platonic friendship...('jade orchid' strongly disputes this point though...)...hopefully not all girls feel that way..

Finally the cold war ended... yeah...looks like i am right to give myself and others a 2 weeks cooling off period.....

Someone asked me this question via sms' why suddenly we will have constant messages?...Sorry i getting afraid as i do not know why. I afraid that one day you will just go mia, we will be like strangers when we see each other'... I really dont know what gave her this insecurity or this doubt...And after i replied her, i get a feeling that she is distancing herself from me...This is so similar to what happened between me and 'instant mee'...a feeling of nostalgic...i really dont want that incident to happen again....but i guess it will happen...but this time, i am sure i know how to handle this...

Happy Valentine Day!

The implications....

I had actually written something else instead of this sentence, but i decide to wait for two more weeks or so to see if anything has changed...looks like the BBQ and cycling and sitting at the beach had calmed me down a lot....

why am I so angry???

The title speaks for itself. I am angry...yes...very angry. At who?...This i know...But at what in particular...I really have no idea..Somehow it makes me even more angry to justify or to rationalise what i am angry about..... To the extent that this makes me isolated from my colleagues who are also my good friends....which to me is a big consequence of my actions, of my anti-sociality... i can think of 101 ways in which he irritates me, in which i cant stand, in which i hope he dont even exist.,,but these are not why i get so angry (even though i force myself and "brokeback" to believe in)....Looks like only "jade orchid" managed to see through me & my frustrations...ya its true...guys are better at giving solutions and solving problems...girls are better at consoling and showing empathy and understanding of those feelings / emotional problems..

I am not the sort of person who can get angry for long. I am quite easy to be pleased... (try chocolate ice-creams)..and normally i would apologise to that person to break the ice (even though sometimes it backfires...)..

The conflict between me is at most a clash of opinions and working style. Pretty nothing much. Its not the first day i know him anyway. One of the reason why i flare up is because i dont want a repeat of the "LKK" incident (LKK is a person's name) where he questions everything...the rationale, the sanity, the alternatives... that i did...that i could do...( this reason is true)..another thing is the tone and the way he speaks...machiam like want to challenge me like that...like he's confirm right because he had discussed it many times with "snowman"... and if in the most unlikely event he's wrong...he would consult my superior...Which would result in a repeat of that "LKK" incident....Honestly, this would make me flare up, but it wouldnt have a lasting impact...

And a gossip. This one, i am afraid, "jade orchid" got the main point at what i am angry about. He just said it at the wrong time, at the wrong place, at the wrong occasion, at the wrong atmosphere. The gossip is nothing, because as "jade orchid" consoles, the main characters (me included) wouldnt care about that at all because there are far too many gossips going around (especially for those who are singles) and "her" being so pretty and easy-going, she wouldnt have minded it at all. It wouldnt have any effect on our friendship (whether the gossip is true or not)...Neither would this any future implications...because its just a rumour, a gossip.. And "jade orchid" is sure i knew of these also...hence this being a reason i flare up is a lie....

I am just very very afraid that what "jade orchid" diagnosed is correct....because if what she said its true..it explains everything totally...but i really dont want it to be true....because i know i cant accept the consequences of that being true...

I am contemplating whether to sms him to apologise to him...okay...if that license plate of that bus i am taking next is odd, i will apologise..if its even..then see how la....

My birthday wish for 2008...to be fulfilled by Dec 2009...

For the past dont know how many birthdays, as far as i can remember, i had (in past tense) always been making intangible and vague wishes, which till now, i dont know if they came through or not. But i am very sure of something, my only clear & obvious wish in 2006 doesnt come true...And i guess..the way i did / didnt do certain things in the build-up, that wish was doomed at the start. So i shall state clearly some of my wishes..hopefully (no..i shall make it happen) they will come true by the next Dec.

1- A new pair of spectacles. I want the one which is similar to what my colleague has...plastic frame...and in red...He said the frame is widly available and is cheaper than the other non-plastic ones...But i wasnt that keen on window-shopping in spectacle shops in the first place...Never mind... i shall do it...

2 - A mahjong card set. My dad and my relatives had in the past said that the way i played is kinda predictable and that i always throw the wrong tiles.. so i would like to have one to hone my skills....No tiles set please, its too noisy....

3 - A sony ericsson handsfree earpiece. Mine was spoilt for like more than 2 months, and i was quite surprised that one from the flagship shop cost about $20 plus...Couldnt find it at those pasa malam stalls though...

Some intangible wishes

1 - The same for all the previous years, I want to be happy. But somehow i dont know exactly what makes me happy...i only know what makes me unhappy...but putting a 'dont' in front on that wish seems wierd...

2 - I want my career to be smooth sailing. And i mean...my present job...

3 - I wish for my parent's health, and by treating them well and giving them less to worry about... i guess it helps...

4 - I wish to have a solution to this problem...i wrote in my diary..."我还是无法把过去美好的回忆当成是种记念，而是一再地寻找当时的憧憬，当时的感觉，当时的点点滴滴。。。。如果我真的能做到能拿得起，放得下。。。我相信自己会活得快乐些，忧郁也会少一些，遗憾也会少一些， 痛苦会少很多。。。我也能够重新接受自己，勇敢地去寻求想要的未来，想要的世界，想要的一切“　

5 - I want to fulfill that unfulfilled wish that i made in 2006....that 'person' would surely be different (because if it does, it would contradict the above wish no.4)..and in the process of doing so... i shall play a more active role...be a more natural guy...and overcome my resistance and shyness and fear of doing certain things.... I know that its not as difficult as i thought it would be...and as long as i dont think too much and procrastinate and complicate things...the chances of this wish coming true is very high....

Taipei Vacation....Getting there & Coming back....

6D5N trip. First-time going there after watching so much of it on TV. The plane ride was quite good and comfortable (except for the lack of free food & drinks & blankets & music / TV player ) Its seems much better than those normal airlines. Maybe the 'budget' is in terms of something else....Not only me, but other travellers also complained about the antics that were being displayed onboard...those who blasts loud music over thir laptop / MP3, the constant 4hr40mins chatting by 2 elderly non-stop, the unwillingness to switch off their handphones & to buckle up their seatbelt (one even seems to be pretending to fall asleep when approached by the stewardess), and this one takes the cake...one page of the in-flight magazine was missing (the one detailing all the flights informations)...However, the service is great. The stewardess are very polite & courteous (the ground staffs too), the food is great (according to my mum), the safety instructions are clear & every information communicated to us are in english and mandarin (even the pilot's speech), the leg room is okay...oh yah..i quite like their uniform...orange and black...

In front of my seat are 2 girls whom at first i thought are Taiwanese. Their dressing is fashionable & they look pretty (they are pretty, just that they also know how to dress well too)..One of them, head tilted, resembles the 杨怡, the 杨怡in 学警雄心....And guess what, we are taking the same airport transfer, staying in the same hotel & will be going for the same tour the next day. Sounds good?

40 mins more....Bye Bye Changi....

40 mins more and I would be on the plane...yeah...quite a great feeling to be at one of my favorite place in Singapore, and going to another favorite destination.... Hope the journey is good (I have never taken budget airline before)...Anyone wants anything from there (i dont know if anyone knows exactly where i am going to as i didnt mention it), feel free to sms me....(but reply not guranteed...haha)....Bye Bye...