16th September 2008

The day I went to see the MO. The day I was temporary downgraded for a year. The next day, I was back at work.

On that night, I felt very isolated. It seems that I am the odd one out & that our directions are no longer the same. They were "congraduating" me of my new status, and marvelled the fact (no!!! Its perception...or rather, fallacy) of how "easy" it was for me to get out of it, without even asking me anything (Even if they asked me, I am sure they wouldnt understand what that medical condition really means). I dont blame them, its a normal response, especially so when the (only) motivation to continue being there is of getting out of there....

Lightning strikes twice???

When will I ever learn?? Thats a very big question which I thought I had an answer to (actually not really...but after nine months of pondering something, I should at least get some clues to an answer).. The first lightning strike (the nine months ago one) had created much fear and trepidation in me, which I till now I am still trying to come to terms with it. It took me some time to realise that the main concern is not "Whose fault it is?" or "Why did things turn out this way?", but rather "why did I care so much about a particular lightning strike when lightning sightings is such a common phenomenon?"

A colleague who's on relative good terms with me and "Snowman" commented that our conflict is a very small thing (compared to what others had to endure. According to him, she already treated me very kindly already). True enough. Its nothing more than a slight raise of voice (by both parties) & over-eagerness in solving situations, plus a difference in pirority and opinions, over the phone. I had experienced worse shouting matches with others, but somehow I feel its over as soon as the phone is put down. No hard feelings, no bin chao chao when we meet (or should I say, no "extra" bin chao chao..)

I havent had a chance to really talk to her after that incident. She did apologise to me by sms (I should add that she's not one to say sorry easily), and after another un-related conflict, I asked her if she's angry at what I had said, via sms. She didnt reply. Maybe I really think too much, or care too much about her reactions....Probably time will heal everything...I wouldnt see her for 3 weeks (she's in hong kong now & when she's back i will be in ICT)..i dont know if its a good thing or not...

Compared with others, my "friendship" with 'instant mee' and 'snowman' doesnt exactly have a starting point. I have no idea how we became close, its like all of a sudden we started to talk and then...we realise we can talk and communicate...and then...we can share our thoughts..and then...LIGHTNING STRIKES.....