Reflections - Circumstances vs Reality

Now that the year of the pig is finally over, its a good time to reflect on the past year & learn from the mistakes made & move on with life. So, some defining moments in 2007 (actually its till Feb 6, 2008).

Most relaxed moment/ Day : 23rd and 24th May 2007 (Last 2 days in Tokyo). The 2 days I spent alone. I am free to go anywhere I want, without any distractions or pressure or worries (thats the most important aspect, I think). I dont know if its because I am too used to being alone that I do not like the feeling of moving around as a group. The night view of Harajuku may not be as pretty as that of Odaiba or Shinjuku (perhaps I should add that the people with me are also quite pretty as well), but at least I feel relaxed & appreciative of the beauty the nightview. (The person (s) involved would have known (by now) why I feel so terrible & irritated during the trip. There are certain things which I tried so hard to convince myself to accept it, to the point of believing that I can take things in my stride, only to realise that i cant). Thats why I feel, i can lie to anybody, but there's no way i can lie to myself successfully...

26th November 2007 : The day I officially start training (work). After 6 months of frantically searching for a job, finally embarked on one. The times spent searching had been very frustrating, like what "hamster" had said, being patient is very important. The person whom helped me pull through this ordeal, sadly, no longer regards me as a friend. ( while I was typing this, she replied to my sms that 'of course we are still friends"..true or not, I dont want to guess..or rather, I dont have the courage to guess...perhaps its similar to the Tottenham - Slavia Prague match...its a victory, but somehow it seems like a defeat)

4th May 2007 & 3rd Jan 2008 : The day our friendship started and the day it ended. Much had been said in my previous 2 postings, so I dont think there's anything I want to add. Sometimes I still think of the happy times we share our thoughts through sms or msn...and how we built up our friendship...and how we ruin it...(An important lesson to learn from it is : dont be too honest and most importantly, dont ever start of a friendship or relationship with expectations of what the other person ought to be like)

9th December 2007 : The day I changed my phone. The day I lost all my sms / photos / contact list...(dont worry, my photos are clean)...Guess its fated...some things are meant to be forgotten ...the thing is whether I can forget them..

20th Feb 2007 : The saddest day in my life so far. Had a conflict with someone whom I valued a lot...Nevertheless, everything turns out fine...Maybe its pure superstition, its taboo to quarrel or be angry at people on New Years' Day (the full 15 days)..No wonder I feel the year of the pig had not been smooth-running for me....

There are certains things which when turn back time, I will still do it again even though I know what the aftermath will be like. Its something in my character, something based on circumstances...like the emotional blackmail on 5th of April, the losing of her friendship, the exercise on 15th Feb 2008, on a macro level, its seems debatable that I did that irrational act, but on that exact circumstances alone, I dont think its irrational or wrong. I know I can be quite vicious at times, especially when I am too engrossed in a particular version of the 'truth'...On those 3 occasions, I apologise. Not because I think I am wrong, but because I hurt them with my action....